El Nora Alilah
After a long day of afflicting ourselves in fasting, prayer, and introspection, we shakily enter into n’ilah, a final energetic push to get us to and through the gates. With eyes dimmed, strained from the hours of staring and skimming through our machzorim, stomachs snarling from lack of sustenance, limbs shaking from all the standing and sitting and bowing, we have, at this moment, reached our final breath on this day — sh’hu ayom v’nora.
This day, the last of the yamim noraim, compels us with its contradictions, occupies us with its opposition. Yom Kippur is a shabbat shabbaton — a day of utmost rest and reflection — and yet, it is a day of affliction. We seek out the solace of Avinu, our nurturing Parent, while bowing before Malkeinu, our almighty Sovereign. We annul vows we make to God then spend the day appealing to God. We describe God as Shepherd and as Judge; as our Beloved and as our Maker; now, in n'ilah, we say of God’s deeds, “El nora alilah,” God’s deeds are… nora.
This particular word, nora, appears yet again in n’ilah in a piyyut that weaves its way through the first three blessings of our Amidah, a piyyut invoking some of the greatest moments of our patriarchs. In Avot: the grace of Abraham; in G’vurot, the alacrity of Isaac; and in Kedushat Hashem, Jacob’s declaration: ma nora hamakom hazeh.
Nora. How might we embody Nora? Cower in fear? Hide in shock? Stand in awe? In this world of fight, flee, fawn, or flop, I believe the theologian Rudolf Otto, offers an answer. Otto defines the experience of the sacred, of the “numinous,” as “mysterium tremendum et fascinans” — enigmatic, tremendous, and provoking of fascination. Tremendum, according to Otto, suggests not a cerebral experience but an emotional reaction so intense — so wholly other — that it causes a physiological response: trembling. “Shaking, Jacob said, ‘How tremendous is this place.’”
We jitter in anticipation, we shudder in fear, we flutter in excitement, we quiver in anxiety. Bayom haze, bamakom haze, we make our final pleas and declarations, our hearts throbbing, the music pulsating, our bodies trembling from the trials of Tishrei.
On this most holy day, as we watch the sun slowly set, Kohelet’s words come to mind: Sof davar — When all is said and done, et haelohim yira — tremble before God and keep God’s commandments. For [yes] God judges all creation, al kol neelam — all that is hidden — im tov v’im ra.
El nora alilah.
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Delivered as part of my “Entering N’ilah” practicum at HUC-JIR on November 9, 2022. See the full recording on the Video page.